So here lately (as in this weekend) I think I have received more emails, texts and phone calls asking how I'm feeling than ever before.
So how am I feeling?
Yes, I am feeling better. But "better" is a relative term.
I do feel better than I did on those "I don't think I'm going to survive this pregnancy" days. I rarely have to take the nausea meds and I am able to get out of bed.
Occasionally even for socializing.
But I have not been feeling "well", just "better".
I try not to dwell on it too much, but to be perfectly honest, I feel bad more than I feel good. I tend to say that I "tire out easily", but that doesn't seem to explain enough for people to "get" it.
When I get tired I immediately get nauseated. I have to sit down or lie down. It is usually remedied with preggy pop drop or a cracker, but it comes on strong either way.
Stress makes it worse. And I am stressed.
I want to begin by stating clearly that I love my new job and am enjoying it very much. I have never felt more productive or useful in my life.
However, it is very demanding and fast-paced. There is a lot of pressure on me and demands by many people. I am trying to do the best I can to help everyone, but I worry about people getting disappointed or overlooked.
I'm also taking a class towards my graduate degree. I love this class. It is very challenging and I feel I am learning more in this class than I have in any of the others. But it is a very grueling schedule with a TON of outside work.
We haven't been very social due to all of this. I haven't even been able to attend church in a couple of months (not that I'm advocating that and I try to make up for it with extra Bible-reading time). I have cancelled plans (and trips!) with my family, stayed home from visits Bill has made to his and cancelled endless plans with friends, including my very best friend.
We were able to host last weekend's BBQ, however I had to rely on a few good friends (thanks Jacque,Stacie, Gracie and Suzanne!) to help with food and clean up because I just couldn't do it all myself. And yes, I normally do all of the "indoor" stuff myself.
Do I want to be the Debbie Downer of pregnant women?
Absolutely not.
But, if I have offended you with my lack of show-up or keeping in touch, just know I still love you, think about you and pray for you. I truly wish I could keep up with our old travel and social schedule, but it is just not possible right now.
Weekends are made for recovery and catching up, and this is how I'm keeping my sanity and taking care of me and Sweet Pea for the time being.
Can I promise it is going to get better when baby arrives? No, I can't. And I'm sorry.
But I promise if you can overlook a messy house, I will always welcome you to our home.
But I can't promise we will always make it to your's. (or your event, game, birthday, night out, etc.)
I do miss you all and pray for a cooperative little one, but I just don't want to get everyone's hopes up only to disappoint them later. I feel like I have been doing a lot of disappointing here lately, and it doesn't make me happy.
So I hope everyone understands and I do hope to feel well enough to at the very least be able to keep my house clean and go to church. But I would also love nothing more than to see everyone I love.
So please be patient and know I am doing my best. Thanks.
